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07 March 2010 @ 05:32 pm
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It's been a pleasure.
11 November 2009 @ 08:26 pm

I don't know if I mentioned this in here, but Craig (my housemate) and I entered DRAG IDOL this year, which happened last night. Its a massive charity event held in Leeds with raises money for Mesmac and other gay friendly charities. On the scene its a pretty big deal, like the biggest thing in the gay social calendar after Pride. 10 acts, none of whom have done drag before, drag it up to become that year's DRAG IDOL. Craig and I entered as TIA MARIA, with the song 'Stay' by Shakespear's Sister. We basically had to mime and entertain.

It was a weird experience, but a fantastic one. I was so nervous before we got to the venue, which was Jongular's Comdey Club, but as soon as I got there I was fine - the free beer might have helped a little too I dare say. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to win - whilst it was for charity, and I am all about the charity, I don't like coming second or worse. If I set my heart on something it happens. As the other acts began to decend on the VIP changing area, I eyed my competition. It seems wrong to describe them as such, for the most part they were lovely. They all talked to us, and us to them. I guess I might have even made a few friends. I didn't know many of the songs they were performing, and the screens we could watch it on had no sound, which made it hard to gauge how they did. We were on fifth, out of eight, after the interval. A good spot I thought.

Our look was much in the style of the song/video - Craig was demure, with a long flowing white dress which extended from his heels to his wrists, with a blonde wig and lots of glitter. We were going for a ying/yang look, so I was the exact opposite - slutty, with massive backcombed hair, a short black dress and killer heels. We looked great. I may have looked a little better than Craig, but we won't tell him that.

Our routine again followed much of the video - Craig went on first and laid out our beautiful friend Andy (wearing nothing but a tiny pair of pants and a LOT of glitter) on a table on the stage. The song began and Craig mimed his lines and did the routine we'd rehearsed - it's hard to describe, but generally acted out the words/story with lots of rude extra bits. One the moment in the video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eXw47qb4U0) where the other 'sister' comes on, I appeared really dramatically from the side of the audience. The audience went MENTAL! The were cheering, screaming, standing up, it felt amazing! I basically slagged it up for my four lines, gyrating over audience members and the judges. Then came the tricky bit - for the instrumental Craig and I had planned a fight. It started to plan, I was to push Craig out of the way and look down Andy's pants, signalling to the audience that there wasn't very much to get excited about. Then, I rubbed my boobs in Andy's face (all the while he's still comatose). Here's were things went a little wrong - I was meant to pretend punch Craig, he was supposed to stop me, pull my hair and push me to the ground and I was meant to get back up and slap him. However, when he pulled my hair his fake nail got stuck in my wig and he ended up pulling it off! (When I write sentences like that it makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life). The audience could tell (I think) that it wasn't planned. For a spilt second Craig and I stopped and looked at each other - we knew we had to carry on. So we did, and again the audience went crazy. Luckily for me my hair cut is a little lesbian anyway, so sans wig I just looked a little more punk rock :P The plan was for then for me to jump on the table and simulate sex with Andy until the scream at the end of the instrumental which Craig would strangle me and throw me behind him, at which point Andy would wake up and they'd finish the song all happily ever after. However, as Craig threw me back, something went wrong. I think we were both keen to a) get me off the table in time and b) make it look OTT/impressive from the audience, so we both over did it, me semi-jumping and him really chucking me. I won't know exactly what happened until I see the footage but I went down like a sack of shit. My friends said they saw me in mid air, then I hit the table and the back wall, which was covered in fairy lights. Craig looked down on me and was like "Shit, are you alright?" I was like "Carry on!" and he did, and when he finished, and I got up, we bowed to a mental standing ovation. It felt AMAZING.

As the host was talking to us I looked down at my legs to see them covered in blood - I'd cut both legs open, and later I found cuts on my feet, arms and back. But it was totally worth it! We made a massive impact, and the judges loved us. The original Drag Idol winner is now one of the judges, and s/he won with 'Stay' in the first year. She said it was better than hers! We got full marks from all four judges, the only act to do so. The voting was cast 50/50 between the judges and the audience, so after the other acts performed and a few tedious fillers from local drag acts and singers, it was time to find out who'd won.

It was us.

They called out four acts, who left the stage, then another two. We were left with a Cher tribute act and as I held her hand on the stage I, no word of a lie, thought she was going to win. But she didn't - we did. I was speechless. I just stood there, smiling. It felt so so great. The audience again went crazy, people standing on chairs, screaming at us. We performed again and this time I was extra slutty and pulled a judge, and managed to keep my wig on! My parents came up to me after and told me how proud they were of me, and that completely made my night.

Theres so much more to this story that I might elaborate on another time, however I didn't get in until 4AM as I was celebrating all night - in heels! and now I want some well earned rest.

I never want to forget this, and I can't wait to see the DVD in February.

Love, Maria x

12 October 2009 @ 09:18 pm
Ok, so I'm a day late, but I am here nonetheless!

I got a job in a bar and had to work last night. I remembered about my Post Pledge about half an hour before I had to leave and was like SHIT!. hehe.

I now work in a small gay bar in town. Its lovely. Hard work, shit pay, but its all good. I like this tired, having-a-reason-to-relax feeling. The banter is great, some of the customers are a bit creepy but I am loving it. And apparently I am quite good at it! I can't pour pints for shit, but I can usually get away with it with a big smile lol.

Had a bit of a horrible experience last night though - these two guys (a couple) from Nottingham came into the bar last night, and the manager let them stay after we shut for a drink, and then we all went on to another bar next door. They invited me to their hotel room, which I, quite innocently - honest! accepted. When I got there though it was rather odd. One of them tried to kiss me, which I refused, and reminded him that he had a boyf, then he grabbed my neck and pushed me to the floor. Needless to say I left straight away! It was really scary. I should have known better really. Silly Martin. Nevermind. The worst part was when I got home, all I wanted was a boy to come home to and hug me and tell me Its Alright. :(

Craig, my housemate, and I entered Drag Idol, and got a place! Its a big charity event held in Leeds every year to raise money for gay friendly charities. We're against 9 other acts and have to lip sync to a number. We're doing Shakespear's Sister: Stay. I am the evil one :P Our act consists of Craig crying/dancing/moving around a boy on a table, then I come in from behind the audience, and then we have a faux fight. We've been working on it today and its really shaping up. I'm so nervous but I can not wait! It will definitely be an experience to say the least!

I think I will leave it there tonight. I love this song atm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gSm5amc7_Q

06 October 2009 @ 08:53 pm
I feel like all I ever do in this journal is bitch about how I never I update it. Its true though - you only have to look through my entries; in pretty much every single one there is a reference to it. I don't want to get rid of my LJ, but I hate the guilty feeling I get when I don't update! I think I need to set aside a certain time to do this. Ok, I'm going to update every Sunday. I am even going to write it on my calendar. Lets see if this works.

Ironically enough, I have just started another blog! Its all about my photography, and has just started, so bear with me!


Until Sunday, then x
15 September 2009 @ 03:57 pm
I'm taking to Twitter. I can just write boring shit on there I feel I need to tell the world. Hehe.

My photography thing is really taking off - I had one of the photos I did for Eat Yr MakeUp featured in The Leeds Guide, and I've now three other projects lined up. I'm not getting paid for any of this yet, but if it keeps going the way it is, I reckon I could start charging people. I'm excited, I LOVE doing it, and apparently I'm quite good! I need to give Nic her credit where its due though - we do most things together, however I do most of the admin/whoring it about stuff, so people tend to think its just me. Its not, in fact, I think I don't know what I'd do without her!

In other news, despite being ridiculously poor, one of my favourite designers, Christoper Kane, is releasing a line for Topshop on Friday, and I have my eye on a £45 t shirt. I don't need to eat, do I?

29 August 2009 @ 05:51 pm
Job hunt ain't going too great, but after a few days of being over dramatic and crying a lot on the mother, I am approaching things a little more sensibly.

As soon as I get my housing benefit sorted (job centre fucked up my application), I think I will be fine. I just need to sort out my life a little bit more.


Things are much better in lists. Yes yes yes.

I am in a good mood this afternoon. Lets see how long that lasts!

In retrospect, aside from hating the place in which I live, being fucked about by boys and sliding uncontrollably fast towards bankruptcy, it hasn't been an entirely dreadful few weeks. I think I need to focus on the more positive aspects of my life. I've been to some great parties recently, had an amazing weekend in London with the BFF, and I am updating LJ - which is always good!

I really have no idea why I am in such a good mood!

I feel like I should harness this, and go finish this job application, maybe it will bring me luck!
11 August 2009 @ 06:46 pm


I am 'friends with' Tairrie B of My Ruin fame on Facebook. She recently uploaded a photo album of old family portraits and it got me thinking about celebrities and the cult of personality they build around themselves, and how this has changed with the growth of web 2.0, in particular the growth of social networking sites such as Facebook, Myspace and Twitter.

I remember when I first got into goth music. It wasn't about the music for me; the music came second, or third, to its aesthetics and its controversy. Whilst I did (and still do) appreciate the music), a big part of its appeal was to stand out, to make myself visible. A regular teenage rite of passage I guess, trying to carve out an identity and not get drowned in the mediocrity of the millions of other people your age. I was lent a Marilyn Manson album by a friend of mine when I was about 14. I was scared to play it. It was "Holy Wood" and had a picture of Marilyn Manson on the cover, jaw missing, imitating Christ. I'd heard a lot about Marilyn Manson, rumours I'm sure everyone had heard - he smoked bones, he had two ribs removed in order to be able to give himself head, he was half man, half woman. It has only recently occurred to me how much of a genius Marilyn Manson is. Whilst I'm sure he isn't the first person to have used PR in this way, what he did, using rumour, mystery and hearsay is impressive, whether you rate his musical ability or not. One only has to look at the video above to see how terrifying this artist can be, if one takes all at face value, and allows one to enter into the fictious nature of it all unquestionably.

I think this is what teenagers are very good at doing - they are passionate, they are dedicated - they believe, perhaps a little naively (although this is perhaps not a bad thing) in what is shown to them. They, not quite adults, not quite children, they hold a unique place in understanding. As a teenager I believed what artists like My Ruin and Marilyn Manson were telling me, and growing up at a time when the internet still hadn't hit us atomically meant I really read into lyrics and images as much as I can. I had limited resources to find out information about those I was devoted to, and yet at the same time my thirst was unquenchable. A good example here was when I heard the Dresden Dolls song 'Half Jack' about a character with gender issues, and automatically assumed that its writer, Amanda Palmer, was also the songs protagonist. I recall presenting my friends with this theory, along with a photo from Kerrang! magazine in which she had declined to shave her armpits - firm proof, my 16 year old logic asserted, that she was in fact, a man. Looking back on this now is laughable, but it is a potent example of what I'm trying to get at.

Ignorance is bliss, as they say. I think in this case, it is certainly true. PR is definitly harder these days. One only has to look at Lady Gaga - her aesthetics draw on similar themes as Bowie et al, yet instead of being celebrated and encouraging intrege, she is dressed down in the press, and mocked for her over the top style. This is the curse of new media - we know everything, we know too much. There is no mystery anymore. Celebrities have no aura, they are Real People. Ordinary People.

Some may argue that this is a good thing - it makes capitalisms job much harder, a more socialist writer may assert. This is perhaps true. We can easily see behind the polished Pussycat Dolls or Heidi Montag by simply visiting a gossip blog and there will no doubt be countless photos of them looking disgustingly average. Disgustingly normal.

Furthermore, we no longer see celebrities as perfect, ethereal creatures. They have spots, they have families. They didn't just appear as fully formed entertainment machines. We could list the numerous advantageous of this (perhaps most notably the ways in which it works against the effect airbrushed images have on the effects of young girls, although its success is questionable), however what we lose is that element of wonder, of magic.

But I want to argue that whilst we may feel like we've gained so much 'more', its important to recognise what we've lost. There'll never been another Marilyn Manson, another Bowie. There just isn't space for mystery in the modern world anymore. If I want to find out if Marilyn Manson really did have his ribs removed, I can Google it and find an interview of him denying it in less than five minutes.

I think this is why, perhaps more recently, we've seen the growth of novel/film adaptation fandom - one only has to look at the Twilight fangirls to see a fairly scary example. Harry Potter similarly, I think, is popular because it is in fiction/film fiction more than ever (as opposed to in music) that teenagers find this mystery to which they are so drawn.

I doubt I speak for the entire teenage population, in fact I doubt I speak for very many, but I do think a fair few will miss out on that excitement, that mystery, that not-knowing which bestowed me with so much joy. I'd know I'd have rather spend a Sunday afternoon discussing the meaning of a My Ruin album in my friend's bedroom than following Ashton Kutcher's tweets.


Note: Whilst I refer to My Ruin and Marilyn Manson in the same breath here, I recognise their differences. Marilyn Manson influenced my life greatly, however I currently find him stale and uninteresting. My Ruin, on the other hand, keep getting stronger and stronger. I am continually amazed at the output of Tairrie and Mick Murphy, and consider them strong, positive influences in my life.
10 August 2009 @ 11:35 am
I'm going to do A Proper Blog today. Like, not a blog about myself. It's a big step! Maybe I'm growing as a person.

Two quick 'me-related' things though:

I think I am going to join Twitter. I always want to update my Facebook status more than I actually do, usually with quite mundane things like "Martin is having a good hair day" (which, today, I am :)). I like to keep my FB status to something witty, important, or a quote etc. I certainly don't like people who tell everyone their entire life over FB (Like Simon, "Simon wishes you'd realise how much you mean to him", directed at his new (pornstar) boyfriend. Ergh). I've been guilty of it in the past, and now make an effort to be a bit more mysterious/subtle - something that is going to tie into my post later today. So yeah, Twitter, yes or no? Maybe I'll post a FB status asking for opinions, if only for ironic purposes.

Yesterday I was talking to a rather cute boy on FB chat. When he asked what I was doing I replied "Trying to finish a book", and he automatically assumed I was writing one. He isn't the brightest spark (the pretty ones usually aren't), but I think, in a very round about way, it was one of the nicest things someone has said to me in a long while. Is that sad, or really nice? Either way, it made me smile :)

Inabit, mush
01 August 2009 @ 04:46 pm
So that guest setting pop up thing is getting pretty annoying...

I didn't get the job. Fucking hell. I kinda knew as soon as I left the interview though, I think you can just tell these things sometimes. I feel really lost - that job was the one I was most qualified for, like I had the most experience, skill sets etc for it, and I still didn't get it. Kinda makes me reluctant to apply for other jobs, cos if I can't get the one I fit perfectly for, why on earth would someone hire me for something less? Does that make sense? It does to me.

I always feel like I am waiting for people. Nic, mainly. Shes always at Rachels, which is fine, I'm happy for them ,really, but she is just so slack when they are together, always so late. Shes never been the best time keeper, but I think its just 'cos I'm not really doing an awful lot, it makes it obvious when I'm just sat round waiting for her to turn up...

Things with Adam are a bit shit. I've been trying to kid myself that they aren't, but, well, they are. It was really easy, really simple to begin with, which I -loved-. But now I'm doing that overthinking thing which I always do. Perhaps I'm just destined to be alone.

I know it sounds really ridiculously emo, or whatever, but I just don't see the point of me being here. Its not like I'm going to revert back to 2008 and try and top myself, but I just feel like my existance doesn't really count for an awful lot. I feel very much like a vegetable. There are days when I don't even leave the bed. Theres not really any reason to.

I don't want it to be like this, I want to be successful, I want to happy. I'm just not very good at mustering the motivation to achieve those sort of things. Just need to snap out of it and get over myself really.

Pride tomorrow, which I'm hoping will cheer me up. If its sunny, that is. I also think I suffer from S.A.D - seasonal affective disorder. The rain and crap weather does not help my mood.